I feel like I'm failing! Ft Feminism and Real Life
Sometimes it just hits me that I'm adulting. Sounds like a really stupid thing to say but I thought that I'd feel a lot different by the time I had finished uni and wasn't living at home. I'm now in my second house since uni - still in Hull where I went to uni.
I imagined that when I finished uni I'd have a successful job and I'd be wise to the world and bills and boring chores would come naturally. However - that couldn't be further from the truth. Having a job, never mind a career isn't all that easy even with a degree. Every month the bills and rent and everything else takes it's toll on my stress levels watching the amount of money I have to live off go down. It's got to the point where I literally can't buy anything I don't need - not even a nice coffee out with friends.
I want a career. I want a nice house. I want a nice car. I want a nice family and an environment for my children to grow up in that's safe both physically and financially. I want to be able to meet a friend for a meal and treat them, take my parent's on a get away or pay for them to go away and enjoy themselves as they worked so hard to provide for me. I want to be able to go on a lovely holiday and not have to worry about staying in the cheapest hotel or flying on the cheapest flights. More realistically at the moment I just want to be able to make it to the end of the month without having to scrimp and save every last penny.
A lot of people tell me I'm still young and not to worry but when I was younger I've always imagined myself as successful in my career - I think this is partly to do with my mum having a very successful career and being someone I look up to for that. It may sound silly but as a woman I especially want to do well for myself as a nod to women (and men) who fought for the equal rights of women. I feel that there is still a long way to go with equality in this day and age and that just makes me want to fight for a good and long term career even more so.
One thing that makes this even more difficult is the fact I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I know that I would love to work in forensics but it's very difficult to get into and I'd have to be one of the best of the best to actually get a job in the field. I believe I could be good as I'm passionate and think I'd enjoy the job however don't think I could make it into the top few who get to make their dream a reality.
I'm watching people I know do amazing and inspiring things with their lives and working towards jobs and careers they love and seem to be so interested in and I just feel like I'm floating around with no proper purpose. I've heard people say that sometimes you have to try lots of different types of jobs before you find anything you decide you really want to do but I'm worried I'm leaving it a bit late on to be finding what I'm really good at and what I think my calling in life is!
I imagined that when I finished uni I'd have a successful job and I'd be wise to the world and bills and boring chores would come naturally. However - that couldn't be further from the truth. Having a job, never mind a career isn't all that easy even with a degree. Every month the bills and rent and everything else takes it's toll on my stress levels watching the amount of money I have to live off go down. It's got to the point where I literally can't buy anything I don't need - not even a nice coffee out with friends.
I want a career. I want a nice house. I want a nice car. I want a nice family and an environment for my children to grow up in that's safe both physically and financially. I want to be able to meet a friend for a meal and treat them, take my parent's on a get away or pay for them to go away and enjoy themselves as they worked so hard to provide for me. I want to be able to go on a lovely holiday and not have to worry about staying in the cheapest hotel or flying on the cheapest flights. More realistically at the moment I just want to be able to make it to the end of the month without having to scrimp and save every last penny.
A lot of people tell me I'm still young and not to worry but when I was younger I've always imagined myself as successful in my career - I think this is partly to do with my mum having a very successful career and being someone I look up to for that. It may sound silly but as a woman I especially want to do well for myself as a nod to women (and men) who fought for the equal rights of women. I feel that there is still a long way to go with equality in this day and age and that just makes me want to fight for a good and long term career even more so.
One thing that makes this even more difficult is the fact I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I know that I would love to work in forensics but it's very difficult to get into and I'd have to be one of the best of the best to actually get a job in the field. I believe I could be good as I'm passionate and think I'd enjoy the job however don't think I could make it into the top few who get to make their dream a reality.
I'm watching people I know do amazing and inspiring things with their lives and working towards jobs and careers they love and seem to be so interested in and I just feel like I'm floating around with no proper purpose. I've heard people say that sometimes you have to try lots of different types of jobs before you find anything you decide you really want to do but I'm worried I'm leaving it a bit late on to be finding what I'm really good at and what I think my calling in life is!
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